My First & Last Turkey

With Thanksgiving coming up I thought I’d share with you all my one and only turkey story.

***Originally posted October 30, 2006***

When it comes to meat I am just plain weird!

I blame some of it on biology ~ having to dissect frogs, pigs, fish and worms.  Then there is the fact that growing up my grandpa & daddy would slaughter pigs and cows.  It was not unusual for me to see their insides hanging out in front of the smokehouse when I walked home from school. The smell ~ oh, it was awful! I can remember watching my mamma and grandma grind up sausage thinking I am going to puke! Then of course, every time I ate a hamburger, I thought about the poor cow that used to live out behind our house.

My little brother plays a big part in this as well!  Growing up he loved to hunt!  I don’t know if it was for the actual sport of hunting or for the fact that he could chase me around with whatever he caught when he got home.  I have been chased around with deer heads, dead mice, squirrels, pig noses and whatever else I have blocked from my memory.  If he got his hands on it and it was dead, more than likely I would end up screaming! In all fairness to him he may have just been getting me back for the way we treated him when he was little.  Did I mention I used to put those hot pink curlers in his hair and make him play dress up?!

I tell you all of that so I can share with you my turkey story.  I was going to enter this into a contest my friend Leah was having a couple of months ago, about embarrassing moments, but I missed the deadline.  Today as I was thinking of something to post, I thought what better time to share this since Thanksgiving is right around the corner.

About four years ago I decided to try my hand at baking a turkey.  I had a friend who lived down the road who said it was easy.  She told me to just get a turkey breast and it would not be as bad as a whole turkey.  She basically said to unwrap it and put a little butter on it and stick it in the over for a couple of hours.

  Up until this point I had never cooked any type of poultry on the bone and very rarely do I do it now.  I buy the boneless and skinless chicken breast; if it calls for a whole chicken I don’t cook it.

Anyway, I had planned to cook a really nice meal that night.  I opened the turkey and was kind of grossed out by the skin but I thought, hey I can do this.  Until I read the directions. I  can’t remember them in detail, but I want to say that I had to pull the turkey neck, I can’t remember if I had to pull it off or pull it up from the breast. 

So I  put on my big rubber yellow gloves and started pulling. Well, the stupid thing would not budge.  I was already grossed out by the fact that I had to look at this ugly thing and I now had to touch it.  What happened to just sticking it in the oven?

I pulled a couple times more and then I start crying.  Not just a couple of tears, I am talking CRYING snubs and all.  I happen to look down and there stands Emily & Audrey. 

Emily is old enough to know that something is wrong and she gets all upset then Audrey starts.  So, we’re  all three standing in the kitchen crying and I am pulling on this turkey’s neck (stupid turkey I think is what I was calling it) and it starts making sounds (cracking sounds) and moving a little, by this point I have had it.  I give up! But I know that David will have a fit if I just throw it in the trash. 

I pulled myself together and broke down and called him at work.  I can’t contain the tears and I start crying telling him about this Stupid Turkey, and that sweet husband of mine comes to my rescue!  He drives 30 minutes home, does what needed to be done to the turkey, puts it in the oven and drives another 30 minutes back to work.  After he left I can remember thinking I acted like such a baby, I should have been able to do that, who gets that upset over a turkey for crying out loud!

Since that day I have not tried cooking a turkey and I do not plan on ever trying again!